Date: Thu, 26 Jun 97
From: The Great Quail
Ok, Fegs, I have it - the *ultimate* Robyn shirt.
First of all, it is green on the outside - the perfect mossy green that we're all picturing in our minds right now. Yesssss . . . that's the one.
Now, the front has a left breast pocket, the perfect size to fit about 25 cards in. Cards? Well, yes - Fegmaniax! List cards, which we can all get made up at the local mall, you know, drop in a few bucks and crank out some business cards. They'll hold the email address, the URL, and instructions for buying multiple copies of "Glass Flesh." (And Mark Gloster can work in a "Monday's Lunch" plug on his. We're all the forgiving sort around here.) That way we can give our URL out real handy-like, not to mention that the pocket gives tapers a place to store "on the fly" set lists and Susan somewhere to collect phone numbers. Now
. . . on the pocket, we place the words: "What is Fegmania?" which further enhances the idea of it holding list cards. Picture it: someone looks, reads, furrows their brow while they consider how dangerous you look, finally asks the question, and !!Bam-whizzo!! you whip out a card and hand it to him. Another Robyn fan is born.
Now . . . on the right breast there is no pocket, but rather a small plastic patch sewn between the layers of the shirt. This patch serves two purposes: first, it provides an excellent place for older Fegs to stck their Thoth Pins without worrying about tearing the fabric of the shirt. But more importantly, there is a secret "Twix-tech" pressure-sensitive microchip sewn in there, and when you press it, it activates: Robyn's voice chirps from the shirt, delivering one of three randomized (but well-documented) quotes about the Feg List: "They might be Fiends," or "If I want to know what I'm up to I can look there", or "We must all hail the Great Quail!" This microchip will be ring shaped, so the Thoth pin will not interfere with it - and even better, pressing on the pin will actually active it!
Now, on the shirt itself we have a Robyn original drawing that spans the whole shirt, sort of a cell -by-cell animation effect, like what he so kindly did for us on the cones. That way we can spin around rapidly (less active Fegs can just stand in the center of a playground merry-go-round) and have the neat-o effect of Robynimation(TM) as amazed onlookers see a cone slowly turn into an insect and finally blossom into a shirt. Or a dozen prawns in merry widows. Or something. The print is, of course, Upside-down Duck Orange.
Now, the back of the shirt looks normal, right? Just the pictures associated with the wrap around animated cone effect. Normal, you say?
Not quite. You see, the back has a *second* silkscreen: the entire Fegmania Manifesto! But won't that clash with the drawings? No, you see, not at all, because the Manifesto is screened in Glow in the Dark print, and is *invisible* under normal light! But under a black light, or in the dark, it glows, a ghostly statement to spook the old folks. . . .
Now, you may think that's it, but - oho! - this is the ultimate Robyn shirt, not metely a really cool Robyn shirt. You see, this one is reversible, hee hee! By taking off the shirt and turning it inside out, you now have a shirt that is coated by that coolio heat-senistive fabric, the stuff that changes from one irridescent color to another across the temperature zones of your body! And that shirt has - brace yourself - a decal of Ziggy the Secret Squid! Yes! A really cool Squid silk screen, all Robynesque, its tentacles curled around the shirt and the two biggest ones forming sort of a heart shaped thingie right over your, um, heart.
And there is print, of course: "I'm into you so far, I'm out the other side." Clever, eh?
Now . . . on this "inside" shirt there is special room on the right breast - which is behind the front *left* breast pocket, so stitching here can be cleverly concealed by the front pocket when worn normally - special room to stitch in your own name! You see, the purpose of all this is simple - we must swear never to reveal the inside of the shirt, except at special and secret Feg gatherings! Then, oh yes, then, we all turn our shirts inside out and become members of the Feg Cult, all our names prominent, just like people in bowling cults. It could also serve as a Feg Recognition System. Come on, just think how smug you'll feel at a Robyn show, spying another Feg across the room in his shirt, both of you trading the secret smiles knowing that you are hiding the *real shirt* inside of you . . . you trade a meanigful look and slip off to the bathroom, pulling up your shirts and revealing your names to each other:
"Ahhh . . . so you're Deborah, so you're Eddie, hmmmm . . . loved your post . . . thanks for the tape. . . " and then slip back out, no one the wiser that you have established contact . . . the Feg People. . . .
yesssss . . .
- The Quail